Does miserable music maketh miserable lady?

Our lives are punctuated by milestones, and a poignant moment in my young life was my eleventh birthday: the day I was given my first iPod. What came with this sturdy pink beast was infinite storage (actually 4GB) and infinite possibility. Up until this point my musical taste had been at the mercy of Mix 106.5 and my parents’ cassette/ CD collection: predominantly Lou Bega & Meatloaf. I did own a Kylie Minogue tape, but by this point walkmans were so passé.

Anyone who has once been an eleven year old will know that the songs on an iPod are just as important as the device itself. You are inevitably going to be splitting your headphones with your bus-buddy, so you’d better have a fire DJ set at the ready. I learned the ins and outs of deep-web music piracy (Limewire), and was soon curating a soundtrack to my own life. However, for fear of sounding like a self-dubbed “quirky girl” (the worst), I soon realised that my taste in music was really fucking apathetic. What pre-teen is soothed by the sombre tones of heartache?! Turns out I was.

It goes without saying that as the years went on and my teen angst intensified so too did my affinity for the morose. I soon learned to cultivate playlists for both public and private: top of the pops for school camp and ballads for staring out the window of the train on the way home. I must note that though angsty at times, I have always been fairly cheery, and I don’t think my doleful habits really affected my happiness.

It turns out I’m not alone. According to research uncovered by a few hasty Google searches, it has been proven that listening to sad music is actually a habit of happy people. By indulging in deep and raw emotions we are able to process these feelings in a constructive way. In the same way that I am partial to a good unsolicited shower cry, miserable music can act as a means to a cathartic end. In short, depresso songs are the antithesis to bottling it all up. The same research (source: Google) states that happy songs can also have a positive effect, but only really if the listener is already in a good mood. So, sad music is appropriate for all moods, happy music only for the chirpy-chirpers. Take that, Pharrell Williams.

I must confess that my attraction to doom and gloom is not limited to music: I also harbour a potentially sociopathic love for all things horror and the macabre. An excellent film is one that makes me want to puke, an irresistible read has me weeping into the pillow. While it isn’t supported by my Google searches, I am really hoping that purposefully indulging in these horrible emotions serves the same purpose as sad music. By voluntarily seeking fear and revulsion I am becoming acquainted with the feelings in a way that takes away their power.

While I may not be listening to the same tracks that filled my iPod Mini, my  indulgence in the melancholic has remained. If I were to be invited on Desert Island Discs (likely, tbh), my chosen songs would no doubt ring of apathy, heartbreak and despair. Sounds like the hallmarks of a happy life, if you ask me.

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NB: It feels disingenuous to wax lyrical about my love for sad songs without sharing some of my favourites. I give to you a playlist of most absolutely apathetic songs: have a lovely day!