Questions that usually get bandied about when first meeting someone in NYC: Where are you from? What part of the city do you live in? How long have you been here? A tally of years is akin with struggle, experience, achievement and inevitably kudos.
I was doing the maths last week, and I realised that just the day prior was my official four years in this city- a humble number in all respects, but still one I am proud of. You see, in what is maybe a rare start here, New York hadn’t been the subject of my lifelong fantasies in the way that the shows tell you it should be. Sure, it looked cool, but I had never seen myself as a Carrie Bradshaw, a Serena van der Woodsen, or even as a dowdy Vogue intern… perhaps a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, but it was a long shot.
Rather, my move to New York was a matter of circumstance. I had been living in London and after signing with a modelling agency here and working for a few successful stints, it just seemed like the “right thing to do”. I had a US visa, and even back then I knew that was nothing to be poo-pooed. I was lucky to have at least a few friends and had visited enough to not be completely petrified, so I packed up my London life and found an apartment on Craigslist. In all honesty, I thought I would be staying for a year or two- just enough to dip my toes in, and then I’d be heading back to London or to Sydney. This obviously wasn’t the case, and in hindsight this temporary mindset is one of my biggest regrets: it took me a really long time to let myself fall in love with New York.
However, in the clichéd way the city tends to be the girl’s major flame, I did fall in love with it. But it’s not what I expected. Three apartments, two visas and one pandemic epicentre (!) later, my time here has been no rom-com, but it has been real and I am more grateful than ever to call this city home. It seems a tad reductionist to confine my experiences to a list, so instead here are two:
Things I Have Learned About NYC, In No Particular Order Or Of Necessarily Any Importance:
• The stereotypes are real. The rats, the hustle, the gruffness, the fast-walking (hallelujah)
• On that note, always look where you’re walking- I once took a suspiciously squishy step thinking it was just some wet leaves. It was the decaying corpse of a rat. Oh, also, I once stepped in a dog turd BAREFOOT on my BIRTHDAY. Seriously, look where you’re going. And wear shoes.
• It’s kind of a shitty place to live: nothing is easy, everything is expensive, you’ll feel invisible
• Except sometimes you’ll feel so totally the opposite of invisible
• Wine is expensive
• I hate that it’s called a skinny margarita, but it’s always better without sugar
• The way to make a mattress feel expensive is to buy a firm, cheap one, then add a memory foam mattress topper
• Age matters less than in your hometown
• The M train runs express at peak hour
• Noise cancelling headphones really help to blur the catcalling
• A too-empty subway car or a too-convenient park is probably too good to be true
• Always have a book with you!!
• I’m convinced that New Yorkers are some of the coolest dressers in the world. Everything is functional, and extreme seasons allow for some WILD outfits. You can wear anything and no one will blink an eye. Except maybe in Midtown, but just don’t go there
• You’ll wear way less makeup (but don’t worry, you’ll still breakout from the pollution <3)
• Your friends are your family
• Most people don’t wake up super early. Great for morning walks, bad for finding coffee.
• Trader Joes
• After staying through the intensity of COVID-19 in NYC, I feel proud to be a part of a community that genuinely looks out for each other. Wear a hecking mask!! Look at us!! It works!!
• At the moment New York feels like a tiny patch of safety in a dumpster-fire of a country. I’m grateful for that.
• Every now and then there are moments that feel like a dream. Sometimes they’re rare, sometimes they’re constant. I call these “sparkly moments”. They are crucial in keeping everything looking shiny and magical, otherwise you are literally living in a giant trash can. But, yikes, that sparkly trash can is beautiful.
Things NYC Has Taught Me About Myself, And Continues To Teach With No Hint Of Subtelety:
• I’m a much more aggressive driver than I thought I was
• My range of emotions is more intense than I had ever thought, but that is not something to be shied away from. You can cry on the street here!! It’s brilliant
• To me, this city makes me feel like I can tangibly imagine my future. That doesn’t necessarily mean I’ll stay here forever, but it feels like a safe space to dream big
• I am comfortable on my own
• I have so much love to give
• Wow she can sweat (but come winter I am a convenient and cosy human radiator)
• Fancy AND divey- bars, workouts, stores. I need to nurture both my glam and feral sides to feel truly myself.
• I can be optimistic to a fault. Not looking to change that.
• I’m a Brooklyn gal 5eva (obligatory: I’ve never lived in another borough, but why would I???)
• I will never again step a single foot outside of my apartment without keys. Even if I’m just quickly popping downstairs to grab mail, there is a chance that my roommate’s cat could somehow close the door (working theory) and lock me out without a phone, shoes, and with an open flame in the kitchen. The fear of killing a cat and burning down a building will stay with me yet.
• I have the power to choose how I respond to the world, because it’s going to pelt me every day
• I really love to dance and I never realised how much until I could no longer do it with sweaty strangers
• Don’t get too comfortable, things can change. But learn what you value most and hold on
To love this city and it’s glaring impracticalities is clichéd, unavoidable, and utterly necessary to have any real quality of life. While it may not have been love at first sight, I now realise the slow burn has been it’s own beaut courtship. Choosing to stay during this year in particular was both a conscious choice and a revelation that I am at home. It’s up to me to create the life I want, rather than expecting the city to give it to me. That, of course, goes for anywhere, but I’m happy to have learned it in New York City.
Katie Muirhead 